Fair Warning

“E pericoloso, vero? Troppe persone sono morti delle montagne, hai capito?”

This from my Italian instructor, a retired school teacher telling me it is very dangerous in the mountains. In finding out what I do for a living, and just how often I am in the mountains, she fired warning shots based on her experience living in a town full of mountain guides and athletes. She has seen death in the mountains reported all too often.

Being 40 years old, and having been at this mountain sport game for 22 years now, I did not smirk, think her a fool or disagree. I too have lost too many friends climbing, skiing, and pushing their limits in the mountains. I know what it is we do, accept the risks but try to work as best as I can within it all. As if I were speaking to my mother, I assured her I am careful, use my best judgment, and am conservative. For me, the reality is that on the real risk scale I hardly register anymore, of course it is relative, but I feel I am all about soft core these days.

This came about on Tuesday.

On Wednesday, skiing a steep face in the Dolomites, I hit a patch of ice, my binding released and I found myself end over ending through a rocky gully. “This is not going to be good”, was casually stated in my head. I waited for the snapping sounds, the pain and prayed it was only appendages and not my head. Then I came to a stop, a yard sale of thankfully mild proportions. Igor and the gang skied over to me, all asking if I was okay. I sat in silence doing a body check; shoulders, check, head, check, arms, check, knees, hhmmm. Something was a bit sore in my knee but overall I was fine and ready to roll. Down we went, hopefully taking my luck with me.

On Thursday night I told my teacher what happened and how I had thought of her afterward. She just looked at me with those eyes with which only a mother can burn into a man.

On Friday I awoke to the news of Shane McConkey being killed in the Dolomites. Then Janine was called for an interview regarding this week’s Eiger tragedy where two 21 year old Swiss alpinists froze to death on the descent. All around, the worst kind of mountain news.

There is something here that certain people can understand and others will not, it is a cliche. On Shane’s accident,  Steve Casimiro commented, “Every man dies, not every man lives”. This is what only some people will fully understand.

Those of us that choose to take risk, no matter the level and as long as it is for honest reasons and not for the sake of others, are living. Dying is the opposite. It saddens me to know that people like myself are lost, more so for those they leave behind, but I also feel reason to celebrate the fact that there are people willing to live with such passion that they will risk everything. There is no glory in dying, but there is certainly glory in my own life that I would never have had without accepting some very real risk.

Of course there are endless points to bring up. Right now I just feel that what Shane felt was pure joy in what he did, and the two Swiss experienced bliss after having pushed themselves to successfully summit the Eiger’s North Face in March. I choose to both mourn and celebrate what it is that many people do so beautifully.